This weekend has been one that has seen 5.8 miles walked with lots of upper body exercises while enjoying the most excellent time with the children and learning so very much from them.
Saturday started with a walk around a short 1.3 mile loop on the Argaty road before coming back into the flat to do an upper body circuit. I had some letters to write but I had been piling on the pounds since treatment stopped. It is almost as if my metabolism has stopped at the same time so the weight has been piling on at an alarming rate. Not wanting to beat the beast only to succumb to a heart attack I have re-established a routine I started during Chemotherapy. Simply put it was just upper body to beat the risk of Osteoporosis resultant from Chemotherapy, while also walking to clear away the fog of treatment, while also ensuring that I found the time to put together all the paperwork I needed too in order to secure free banking for the challenge while writing the articles and constitution to form the unincorporated charitable association to secure tax free banking for the challenge, while also writing the flyer and background briefings to the challenge. I had lots that needed done but I also had a brain tumour and associated illnesses to beat at the same time so the walk, weights then work routine into which I fell fitted the bill. Now I have a book to write, weight to loose and still a beast to keep very firmly on top of so I have decided to re-establish the walk, weights and work routine while keeping morning and evening prayer and ensuring that I ate as well as I possibly could. So after a good session of upper body training in which I received quite a shock as I tried to lift my increasing bulk up on the pull up bar! I was back at the computer paying bills and writing letters to manage the routine of every-day life. Then I was joined by Allie who had come to join me to watch James play the pipes in the Stirling Schools Concert. She was in perfect time so once her wellies were on I dragged her straight out for a 1.7 mile walk around Doune Ponds. Then it was time to check Allie into the Woodside Hotel then push on to pick up the children and head up to Callander. It was the Stirling Schools Music Festival at McLaren High School so up we went in good time to fit in fish suppers all round for tea.
It was as we ate the fish suppers that it suddenly dawned on me that the one group of people who probably do not get enough recognition for the sacrifices they make is the families of servicemen and in particular their children. As we reminisced and laughed about all the fun times we had together I was suddenly struck by a sudden change in mood. Heather reminded me about the time I came home for R&R from my tour in Afghanistan and woke her up to surprise her. She had been worried sick about Daddy as so often during my tour there was news of another casualty in Afghanistan and she was convinced that I was to be next. So when I woke her up from her dreams she just wanted to burst into tears but felt that she had to be so very brave for Daddy so just rustled up the courage and held it all in. This reminded me of the time on another tour of Afghanistan in which, as I reversed my hire car away from the house in order to drive away to RAF Brize Norton in order to go back to finish my tour after R&R, I looked back across to the house to see James stood. A lone solitary figure in the large window of the sitting room, a smile fixed to his face which looked so very pale. His eyes expressionless but dark and lifeless but still with this fixed grin as he stood and with his little right hand waved me off. He had no idea whether or not I was going to be coming back. In fact feared that I wouldn’t. But he was determined not to show it so stood at the window to wish me luck as we waved me off. What courage from them both. A courage that they both showed later in life as they faced a new certainty from which it was thought that Daddy was never coming back. Just 9 months after leaving the Army and celebrating a new life without fear I was diagnosed with a Brain Tumour. The children had to be told in order not to become scared and confused by whispered conversations in the house so I sat them both down to tell them one evening. When I started to tell the children, no matter how carefully I tried to cushion the words in all the positives of how treatable it was, as soon as I mentioned the words brain tumour, Heather melted into a sobbing mess on the kitchen table. As she slumped over the table her head buried in her arms, her whole body wracked in heaving sobs, James sat there wide eyed and white with the shock of seeing his sister in such distress, as the news of what I had just told him slowly sank into his head. His eyes glistened slightly and then he asked, ‘But you are going to be okay Dad?’ I smiled at him and nodded. ‘Yes James, I am. We have found it nice and early so we can scoop it out, zap the brain with some incredible treatments and that will be it done.’ I held Heather’s shaking body close and as she sat up to bury her head into my shoulder I reassured her that all will be well. James came around the table and gave us both a hug from the side. I truly believed that we would be fine. This was a crushing blow to them both and yet they faced it with such courage. I never once heard a whimper from them about the strange food I was eating and they were eating with me, or the long walks that I was taking them on. Instead what I got was that wonderful belief that I really could ‘Beat the Beast’ and their faith in me strengthened my own belief in myself and my ability to Beat the Beast. I never told them of a prognosis but over time, at separate occasions each worked out for themselves that this was a journey from which Daddy might not be coming back. I consoled them and reassured them as they expressed their fears and their anger into my shoulder and over time they found a way to come to terms with what they were facing. Yet again they found a way to face their fears and make the most of life while giving me the most excellent encouragement in their own belief in me. They understood what I meant when I whispered in their ears, that whatever happened I would always be close by. They got it, understood it, and for them that was enough. They have found a way through all this with the wonderful help of their schools and this weekend showed me just how strongly they have bounced back. James was playing the bagpipes with the McLaren High School Pipe Band to open the evening and did a great job with the band. Heather sat with me, took my arm and enjoyed the music with me. Just sat and reassured me with Allie after what had been for me, for us all, an emotional trip down memory lane.
Sunday morning saw Allie join me for morning prayer in St Modoc’s church before we then went across to the woodside for breakfast. I couldn’t resist the full Scottish breakfast and delighted in this enormous plate of protein before then scooting across to collect the children. We were heading back to Callander to support James as he plays in the Remembrance Sunday commemorations in Callander. It was a good day which started with a hot chocolate, coffee and mochas all round in the Deli Ecosse before the service in the Callander Old Kirk. It was a good service in which we received a most excellent history lesson on the extraordinary Naval Battle of Jutland which cost so many thousands of lives lost at sea. Fascinating it was but as I surveyed the congregation: the scouts, the cubs, brownies and guides I wondered just how much these children were getting from the history lesson.
Sat around them were the veterans of conflicts fought over the last 50 years, many of whom were still fighting for life and a quality of life as a result of wounds collected on the way. Their families, their children were also still having to be brave for the sake of the injured serviceman. To smile and hold their hands, to reassure them, that all will be okay. So as we sat there and remembered the thousands who so tragically never made it back and the hundreds who continue their fight so quietly in the corner, I wondered what lessons these young children were learning from our past mistakes that have led to conflict and the tragic loss of life. They didn’t need a history lesson. They needed to learn the lessons learned to ensure that we stop repeating the same mistakes again. We need to learn those lessons from mistakes past too in order that we stand some chance, no matter how slim, in the face of such great threats that we currently face, to be able to actually hand on to our children a world that we can be proud to have been a part of building.
After the service and the period of remembrance and wreath laying at the war memorial we dried our eyes, collected James and went for photos. I wasn’t really in the mood after such a period of deep thought and reflection but Heather was determined to have a photo and perhaps knew that I could do with being cheered up. So off we went for photos. It was a brilliant idea, especially when we swapped roles and with it coats for a few minutes,. The amusing results of which I give you in this post.
Thank you Heather and James for showing me such courage. For inspiring me, encouraging me, believing in me and reminding me what was truly really important.
Lots of Love Daddy xx