Well, tomorrow is the big day in which I get my scan results. As you will have picked up on when reading through my posts of the last couple of weeks, I have had human and very natural moments of doubt, of concern, of fear resultant from some fleeting moments of cognitive and motor function degradation which could be for a multitude of reasons, most notably tiredness, but lead to me forgetting my true belief in my faith, doubting on God’s will to heal me and fearing for the results of the last scan.
So on Sunday evening I learnt from the lessons of Jesus’ disciple Peter who lost his faith and started to sink but gained new life when he reaffirmed his faith. The message to me was clear so I too reaffirmed my faith and gained great comfort from it.
Monday and Tuesday morning however saw me wake very early in the most extraordinary of circumstances and had me vexed as to what had been happening until this morning.
I got up after my unusual awakening and went to St Modoc’s church and using the Scottish Episcopal Church website on my mobile phone, looked up the entry for Morning Prayer. I settled into a pew right at the front of this church glowing golden in the dawn of the morning light and started to read. I got to the first Psalm. Psalm 18 and it was verses 3 to 6 that so caught my attention because my habit when reading the Psalms, written so many hundreds of years ago, and probably theologically and doctrinally completely incorrect, but my habit is to make each Psalm relevant to me where appropriate to me and my situation by swapping out some words where relevant. It only takes one or two words and suddenly the Psalm makes so much sense. In this one I swapped enemies for disease, I swapped destruction for the disease. That was all I changed and suddenly my experiences of the last few weeks and especially the last two mornings made so much sense:
I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies (disease).
The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction (the disease) overwhelmed me.
The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
Strangely and not probably what you are now expecting but I am very excited. Not only because I’m going to get great results tomorrow but also because I know very well that I am not walking alone. I always thought that God’s walking alongside us, walking with us, being with us on this journey was, while hugely comforting, just a spritual presence. Now I know it to be a physical one.
On Sunday morning when I had the closest ever encounter with Deer in the Wood of Doune it felt as if they were sent to keep an eye on me. To make sure I was okay. I was comforted by their presence.
Yesterday I drifted to sleep and was then woken early with a start as I got the very real sensation that someone was leaving the room. That I had earlier drifted asleep while trying to talk to them and thought them to be Heather and James as I woke but remembered that they hadn’t been in the flat since last week. But someone was last night.
This morning the same thing happened and I woke with a very real sense that someone was leaving the room. That I had earlier drifted asleep while trying to talk to them and thought it to be James as I woke but remembered again that he hadn’t been in the flat since last week. But someone was again last night.
So this morning in church while I knelt quietly in prayer it dawned on me that I was being watched over by our Lord Jesus Christ. He is actually walking with me and will see me healed. He watched over me with the deer as I negotiated the technically tricky area of deforested woodland in the wood of Doune and the last two nights, as I struggled with clear thought he was sat with me, quietly, unseen, like a father seeing his child to sleep drifting out of the room only once he knows his child is safe and sound asleep. At first it was an odd experience to have had but now I understand it and am incredibly comforted by it.
I was also incredibly comforted by the wonderfully courageous Sarah whose message I give below as well as by the fact that two followers had independently yesterday also pointed me towards Psalm 18. That told me that reading Psalm 18 in this morning’s morning prayer off of the Episcopalian church website was more than just a coincidence. It was a message. That God had answered my cries for help andwas walking with me through his son Jesus Christ.
‘Dear Archie, I enjoy reading your posts , theyr’e so inspiring and uplifting! They show your strong character and willingness to help others and enjoy life to the full . I think your very courageous and your faith is strong ! I feel God’s blessing me , I am at this moment in the middle of sorting myself out a flat to live in , like yourself my faith and loving family and friends and church family have been my Rock! Stay strong in the Lord my dear friend ! Life can be very harsh but I would not have been able to do this without Jesus, I will put you in my thoughts and prayers’
Tomorrow is going to be a good day. I have every faith that it will be.
Yours aye
Archie